One month ago now I was sleepless at the Sheraton Hotel in Boston. I had to wake in a few short hours, but I couldn't get to sleep. I was overflowing with excitement. It was Marathon Monday! I had been waiting all year for this. Soon I would be in Hopkinton, and a few hours later I would be back in Boston with another marathon completed
I had no way of knowing this was but the first of over 20 sleepless nights
During the days after the marathon, I did a lot of reflecting. On those slow and painful recovery runs, I was running for Boston. As I lay in bed tossing and turning, I could think only of Boston. As days turned into a week I started to worry. I needed to come to terms with everything that had happened. So I started writing (or typing - I don't know what pen and paper is anymore)...
At first I was writing for myself, trying to dig through my thoughts and figure out what was holding me back. As I sorted through my notes, I realized I had a story to tell. I usually keep my emotions close, and hesitate to share too much with anyone, so this was very out of character for me. Everything I wrote was deeply personal, at first I couldn't believe I was thinking of sharing it
But then I realized something: it wasn't my inner strength that would allow me to rebound here - it was others strength. This was significant for two reasons:
1) If I guarded my emotions so closely, how could anyone help me recover?
2) Maybe what I had been going through could also help someone else who has been suffering through this
So I organized my thoughts, into the posts you see below. Things will make more sense reading from the bottom up, but I left it in blog form anyways. This 'recovery' is an ongoing process, it is not over. I am at peace now, but that doesn't mean I will ever forget what happened. It changed my life in ways I may not understand for a long time. There will be more here as I strive to find ways to honor the fallen and support the struggling
I share this here in the hope that those who have supported me through this can get a glimpse of why this meant so much to me, why this was so difficult for me, and why I am so thankful for their help
I share this here in the hope that my words find their way to someone somewhere who needs them, to find their own peace.
The media has moved on, but there are folks out there who can't. There are folks out there who still need support. Some may just be afraid to say it. Both the physical injuries and the psychological traumas folks experienced a month ago were life altering, and all of us need the continuing support that we saw in the days following the blasts
Let's move on as a nation, as a people. But let's not leave anyone behind. We are in this together. We are stronger together. Lend an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on and be there to provide the emotional support that many still need. If you are looking for a way to help, donate what you can, or convince your business to hold an event, or do a day during which proceeds will be donated to the victims. The One Fund has raised a lot of money, but it isn't nearly enough to pay for all of the lifelong support many of the victims will need. Stay Boston Strong. Not just for a few days, but always
For most of us, this is just another tragedy that happened in the past. For some, barely one month in, this is still the beginning